Tripping the light fantastic (presumably with his wife, then the spokeswoman for a series of wildly flirtatious TV commercials for Jack Ross Lincoln Mercury) at a Latin dance club called Calderone's at 16th Street and Buckeye Road during the holy week of Easter, Jack spotted an especially handsome man on the floor, dancing with the club owner's beautiful daughter. Like the time Jack was nearly stricken dead by the sight of Beelzebub at a local nightclub. It's not much of a story, especially when you consider all the other legends that swirled around this couple for decades. Here's one you likely haven't heard about Acquanetta, the buxom B-movie queen who starred in plenty of Hollywood schlock ( Tarzan and the Leopard Woman, anyone?) before marrying local car dealer Jack Ross and settling in as a caftan-clad local celebrity of Scottsdale: Having once caught Jack philandering, she filled the interior of his Lincoln Continental convertible with cement. Remember the time they found a shark almost three feet long in the canals in Yuma? Hey, in the end, it's not totally ridiculous. It's about time the Canal Monster joins the ranks of other "famous" American water monsters: "Bessie" in Lake Erie, "Chessie" in the Chesapeake Bay, and Slimy Slim of Payette Lake Idaho. Since 2007, the Salt River Project has been battling an invasive species, the quagga mussel, and if mussels can make their way into our waterways, then so can an unknown species of monster fish. ![]() It goes without saying that the canal could be home to some stranger things than old shopping carts. Though there are no reported sightings of the Canal Monster, you can rent a paddle boat at Encanto Park and check for yourself, or you can fish the canals (with a valid license, of course) and see if you snag her. (See those bubbles? That's her.) Granted, there is no evidence to prove this, but there are more than 50 species of native and introduced fish in the canals, so there is plenty for the monster to eat - assuming, of course, she's not a vegetarian. She's a big serpentine, Lochness-like water creature that cruises Phoenix's 131 miles of canals and goes to sleep in the manmade water of Encanto Park every night. You've heard of the Arizona Canal Monster, right? Of course you have.
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